Grit with Guests: I'm Naked, by Andrea Greenspan
Yup, naked — but not like you might imagine. Let me explain.
From the time I said "Voice" as the first word in my candidacy speech for Student Council President, I have been trying to find it.
I grew up in a family that thrived on making the right impression. The fact that our family owned the swankiest women's specialty store in Reading, PA meant that Dad, Mom, my sister, and I had to act perfectly and dress fashionably. The fact that my stepfather (I was 8 years old when my parents divorced) was one of the original shopping center "kings" meant that we lived an image of success: a mansion on five acres, shopping trips to NYC in limousines, expensive winter vacations. My stepfather suffered from heart disease — but we had to keep that a secret to protect his kingdom.
I soon learned that Mom kept secrets of her own. Secrets about why she divorced my father. Secrets about the amount of money she spent on designer fashion. Secrets about her family. Seduction was her modus operandi. Suppression was her, and soon my, protective device. My narcissistic mother suffered from a poor body image, so she compensated for it by demanding manicured, coiffed, and well-clothed perfection. She was incapable of physical affection. She bred me to believe that looks were everything, wearing lipstick was a bandaid on life, and expressing anger was ugly.
Frustration eroded my perspective. From the outside, other than being fortunate, I was a curiosity: pretty enough, highly driven, emotionally guarded, and Miss School Spirit. On the inside, I couldn't find the words to express my feelings. I could only write in metaphors. I gagged when I ate because I was pushing down my words. I worked harder on schoolwork than most (due to my ADD) to get straight A's. I experienced depersonalization and anxiety attacks because of the negative psychological messages I received at home and the repressed family secrets I bore within. Feelings were simply not allowed. Real relationships — what were they? I hadn't the slightest idea how to express my feelings, let alone find them.
Studying Eugene O'Neill at Germantown Academy with Miss Day was an exercise in horror. My young life with a scotch-adoring and belt-wielding father resonated on the pages filled with drunken revelations of anger and suppressed emotions. It was a bad model for how to express oneself — and yet, boy, was I attracted to the anger and family nightmares.
When I arrived at Smith College, one of the seven sister schools, I fell in love…with dance. Paradoxically, success as a dancer — in addition to self-sacrifice, lots of practice, and great technique — requires transparency and honesty. Fortunately, it does not require speech. In an improvisational dance exercise involving continuously touching (other than hands) a group of people, I quickly realized that the only feeling I had was anger and rage. When I looked in the mirror, beholding all 118 lbs. of my 5’ 6 1/2" self, I saw an ugly, nearly naked girl. My mother was right. Anger is ugly. I felt like I had been turned inside out, and like my world had been flipped upside down.
Is it any surprise that I now respectfully help individuals explore, define, and express their images, styles, and brands? Is it any surprise that, in front of a full length mirror, under honest white lights, I teach clients how to appreciate and embrace their natural attributes and strengths? Is it any surprise that I wholeheartedly help them cleanse their closets of attempts to be someone that they are not and to establish a style that is 100% their best selves?
When I founded my current business, AG Image Style Brand, in 2015, I lacked the courage to stand on my own. I latched onto a number of direct selling brands including W by Worth, India Hicks, and Peach. It was easier to pretend to be someone else's brand than my own. But with that came a suppression of my real voice, my real passion, and my real purpose. I was acting like a perfect little girl under another strong female's image for the benefit of that person/brand.
Sound familiar? Sure, I helped clients look great, learned a lot about fashion, and created a great wardrobe. But that was a fraction of why I studied line, design, color analysis, body type, and so much more to become an image consultant.
After five years in the wonderful image consulting profession, I have found my voice. Once again, paradoxically, transparency and honesty are essential to teaching and inspiring my clients. Confidently and proudly, I have shed the brands upon which I relied and honestly, proudly finding my true voice.
As of today, I am naked. Yup, naked — but not like you might imagine.
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About the Author
Across a career spanning fashion retail, celebrity styling, corporate event planning, and TV segment design, Andrea Greenspan has operated on a core principle: Image matters. Image is the conduit between inner values and the external world. Now the founder and Principal CEO of AG Image, Style & Brand Consulting, Andrea is a lifestyle expert, collaborating with businesses and individuals to overhaul existing lifestyles, unlock the elements that drive image, and build a unique style. Andrea has shared her insights on Oprah, Today, and CNN, and has collaborated with more than 50 companies and associations to craft integrated and authentic brands.