Magical Mystery Tour: The Past, the Future, and the Now
by Randy Kaufman, with research assistance from Dustin Lowman
A Year in the Life
“I read the news today, oh boy
About a lucky man who made the grade
And though the news was rather sad
Well, I just had to laugh
I saw the photograph”
2020. For me and mine, it started like a perfectly normal year: a lovely New Year’s Eve, far from the maddening crowds of NYC, a birthday fest for our Labradoodle, Hudson and me; an annual ski trip to one of my favorite places in the world, Jackson Hole. As I conquered a Steep and Deep camp with my new fiancé, something I had last done 25 years ago in another lifetime, I was filled with endorphins, ecstatic that my 60-year-old knees and mind were still strong enough to conquer the steeps and deeps of this world-famous ski resort. Terms that would soon become normal — COVID-19, quarantining, socially distancing, doom-scrolling — were not yet part of our vernacular.
Then, devastation came, and came, and came, and came again. It was the third month of the year, named for the Roman god of War, Mars. March. Fittingly, in ancient Rome, this was the month when armed conflicts would resume after the winter months.
COVID-19 entered our world view. Sirens screeched at all hours of the day and night. In early April, my fiancé and I left our beloved NYC for the refuge of upstate New York. Cases and deaths mounted. Body bags and refrigeration trucks appeared in NYC. Hospitals overflowed with the sick. Race riots ensued; wildfires scorched over 4 million acres in California; the ugliest politics of my life played out in the news as Donald Trump tried to steal a well-run election. The inconceivable happened: On many days, more Americans died than they did in the entire Sept 11th attacks. There was not a night since April that I didn’t wake up between 2 and 3 a.m., hoping “this” was all a dream. Each and every morning, the Beatles crept into my head and as I sipped my steaming hot coffee, sang a lyric I’ll never forget: “I read the news today, oh boy…”
All 2021 Needs is Love
“There’s nothing you can do that can’t be done
Nothing you can sing that can’t be sung
Nothing you can say, but you can learn how to play the game
It’s easy
Nothing you can make that can’t be made
No one you can save that can’t be saved
Nothing you can do, but you can learn how to be you in time
It’s easy”
On most days, 2021 finds me filled with hope. Fewer than three weeks remain before Biden is inaugurated. Democracy has survived to fight another term, thanks to the hard efforts of many people — most importantly, our state judges. We have not one but two COVID-19 vaccines. My family, clients and dearest friends remain healthy. I’m celebrating my new marriage every week with a bottle of pink champagne. I want to believe that COVID-19 is sentient and understands it’s not welcome in this calendar year, that 2021 will bring light and joy to many, that the right-wing militias uncovered by Trump and his cronies will go back into their holes.
Taking a page from Sir Winston Churchill, I hope that this crisis is not wasted — that the disaster that befell the United States teaches us who is essential in this country when disaster strikes (spoiler alert: it’s not the money managers or investment bankers), that we’ll finally understand the insanity (and irony) of linking medical insurance to employment; that people will finally understand in a country as rich as ours, providing food, shelter and medical care to all citizens who are in need is not an “entitlement” but a basic human right and an investment in our future. That, in a nutshell, compassion will prevail.
Let it Be
“When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be”
I curb my enthusiasm and remind myself that humans (this one included) abhor uncertainty. We are pattern-finding machines, and constantly tell ourselves stories to disguise the chaos of life. Behavioral scientists label this the Narrative Fallacy: We see events as stories, with logical chains of cause and effect. Stories help us make sense of the world. However, if we’re not aware of the Narrative Fallacy, it can lead us to believe we understand the world more than we really do. (See: https://fs.blog/2016/04/narrative-fallacy/ for a description of this phenomenon.) As Shane Parrish says in this blog, the Narrative Fallacy is a “backward-looking mental tripwire that causes us to attribute a linear and discernible cause-and-effect chain to our knowledge of the past.”
All we really have is the present; all we really know is what we have today. To quote another Beatle, George Harrison: “All there is ever, is the now. We can gain experience from the past, but we can’t relive it; and we can hope for the future, but we don’t know if there is one.” “Remember then” said Tolstoy: “there is only one time that is important — Now! It is the most important time because it is the only time when we have any power.” I remind myself that when I set up my own consulting business in July of 2020, the Egyptian God Aker inspired me enough to choose it as my logo — two lions, facing away from each other, with a sun disc between them depict Aker. The left facing lion looks to the west, to yesterday; the right facing lion looks to the east, to tomorrow. The sun disc they hold between them symbolizes the present — our common reality.
I focus my mind on the present — which is always the best place to be, and all we really have. I can look to the past (and shudder and cringe all I want over 2020). I can look to the future and hope for better times for our country and the world. But, most importantly, I try to stay-here-now (as I often command my dogs). Gratitude floods me for all I have: my health, my family, many dear friends, my career. This is my definition of wealth. I have what I always implore clients to get: enough, not more.
Wishing you a successful and happy 2021 ahead, filled with what we really need: Love, Love, Love (and lots of music, of course). I close with a few verses by another amazing favorite musician of mine, Lin-Manuel Miranda:
“We chase the melodies that seem to find us
Until they’re finished songs and start to play
When senseless acts of tragedy remind us
That nothing here is promised, not one day
This show is proof that history remembers
We live through times when hate and fear seem stronger
We rise and fall and light from dying embers,
Remembrances that hope and love last longer.
And love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love, cannot be killed or swept aside.
I sing Vanessa’s symphony, Eliza tells her story.
Now fill the world with music, love, and pride.”
As always with the 4 G’s: grit, grace, gratitude and growth,
Randy
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